Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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