awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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