the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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