Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
