Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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