I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
