im about as happy as oj after his trial
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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