i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize