So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
