We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
