i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
