I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
