booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize