I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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