She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize