Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize