You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
