I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
