well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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