Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize