I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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