Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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