i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
