Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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