he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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