She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
