I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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