dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
