my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
