Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How's work?
Spinning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You may now shotgun with the bride
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize