If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
