is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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