ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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