We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
