He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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