I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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