How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
