I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
