Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
