Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
