Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
