What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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