I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
