His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude i'm inner monologue high
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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