im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize