I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
