I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
