I'm going to jail i love you
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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