I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
NoShamevember. You game?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
