Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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