but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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