so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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