One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
