dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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