My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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