Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
