so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
