If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
