I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
