if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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