God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
