Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
