i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
