Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
