Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
