omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
