I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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