White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
