Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize