its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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