She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
