so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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