Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
