so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Who died my cat blue again?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
