yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
