Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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