If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
