Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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