First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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