thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
