Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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