Sry I called you an 8
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
