You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Too much gin, very little bucket
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
