the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
