Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
