he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
