In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
