There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
