Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize