One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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